Happy New Year!

2013 has been good to us - looking forward to a wonderful 2014!

Audrey, 6 months and 1 week!

Katie's birthday!

I was only halfway through the door when the smell hit me. I'd mentally prepared myself for the screaming, the chaos, the pounding music. But nobody told me about the smell. It was the overpowering smell of sweaty, screeching, shoeless kids. Dozens and dozens of them! Add their weary parents and younger siblings, a couple of pimply teenaged staff members, and two rooms full of gigantic inflatable bouncy houses and slides and you've got the horror that is known as Pump It Up.

It was too much for me, but I lucked out: there was no way Audrey could fall asleep in the carrier as planned, not with all the screaming and jostling and frolicking. So I got to go outside and walk up and down the sidewalk for much of the 2-hour "Pop-In Playtime." Anthony wasn't so lucky. Not only did he have to stay in that madhouse, Katie also wanted him to accompany her through much of the bouncy-ness. The giant slides did look like fun, though. Katie had a blast. Unfortunately I'm already seeing the telltale signs of the virus she picked up. I knew it was inevitable but I prayed we'd get lucky. Of course, Katie pretty much sealed the deal by picking her nose the entire time we were there. Way to give those germs a head start, sweetie!

Pump It Up capped off a four-day whirlwind birthday extravaganza. Anthony took Friday and Monday off, and I'm sorry to report that he now needs a vacation from his vacation. Friday we all went to Katie's school together, Saturday we threw a birthday party for her, Sunday we had friends over, and Monday was Pump It Up. We're exhausted. Katie got everything she asked for: Balloons in every color of the rainbow, strawberry cupcakes, a box (What kind of box? A brown one! She never did tell us what she wanted there to be inside). She also wanted a lion. When we asked her where we could get a lion, she promptly said, "Costco!" We laughed, and spent quite a bit of energy finding some really cute lion figurines. Then, when Anthony was at Costco picking up food for the party, he spotted a giant stuffed lion! Of course we bought it - a lion from Costco! Just what she wanted! She also wanted a crocodile, so we got a figurine and an anthology of Lyle books. Anthony's mom outdid us all by buying Katie her very own play kitchen. (Don't worry, this time we picked it out. Also from Costco.) A pretty good haul for a three year old!

Happy Birthday, dear Katie! (pics to follow, I've got to go pick her up from preschool!)

Strawberry cupcakes, nom nom nom

A crocodile!

Katie's Precious Kitchen. Some assembly (and swearing) required.

I don't know. THIRD BASE!

I must be crazy for posting instead of napping right now, but I had to share a quickie. Inspired by Awkward Mom's recent post about grammar, here's a little dialog between Katie, Grammy and me that took place last week.

Scene: Outdoors. Katie and Grammy are playing in Katie's playhouse. Katie is inside and Grammy is outside, ringing the doorbell.

<Ding-dong!>
Grammy (to Katie): Say, "Who is it?"
Katie: Grammy!
Grammy: No, say "who is it?"
Katie: Grammy!
Grammy: No, I ring the doorbell and you say "who is it?"
Katie: GRAMMY!!!
Me (after controlling my laughter): Here, Katie, Grammy and I will show you what we mean.
Katie exits playhouse, I enter.
<Ding-dong!>
Before I can ask "Who is it?" Katie interrupts - 
Katie: GRAMMY!!!

And we all dissolved into peals of laughter. Katie didn't know why we were laughing but she joined in anyway. Good times!

Sleep (or lack thereof)

Here I am again, folks! One daughter is napping peacefully, like a little angel. The other is talking, singing, banging on the walls, rummaging around in her closet, and generally just not sleeping. Can you guess which is which?

I would like to say I don't care, as long as she doesn't wake Audrey up...but I do care. Nobody in this family is getting enough sleep. Nobody. Audrey happens to be the best sleeper out of the four of us, and even she isn't getting enough. Katie woke up three times last night. Twice she woke up and screamed "POTTY!" and Dada took her to the potty. Once she woke up just plain screaming. And a couple of times she woke me up by talking in her sleep. Add those to the two times that Audrey woke up to feed, and the 30 minutes or so I spent pumping at 3 am, and I am one tired mama.

Dada is tired, too. Not only is he on "Katie duty" at night, but he is the worst sleeper imaginable. It takes him forever to fall asleep, so every time Katie wakes him up it's an ordeal. Three times in one night means that he got maybe 3 hours, tops. And not consecutive hours, either!

I think it might be time to take back the nighttime reins from Dada. We had decided that I'd take care of Audrey and he'd take care of Katie at night, but I don't think it's working. Katie's room is right next to Audrey's. I sleep in Audrey's room, next to her bassinet. If Katie wakes up, I'm going to hear it, so there's really no point in making Anthony get up too. Of course, he often hears Katie even without the baby monitor - she's that loud.

Sigh. Can I just point out how unfair it is that I finally have a baby who sleeps, but I'm STILL not getting any sleep myself? Audrey has been sleeping 5-6 hours at a time every night since she was about a week old. It's so good it's ridiculous. But Katie has to find a way to wake up screaming right in the middle of that 5-6 hour stretch, so I never get more than 3 hours in a row. Thanks, Fate or the Universe or Murphy or whatever. Thanks a bunch.

And napping. What is it with napping in this house? Katie hasn't napped in days and I can see it's taking its toll. Her little eyes look tired, she's crabby a lot, and we've had full-on screaming meltdowns in the evenings. I do everything I possibly can to ensure that she naps. I keep a consistent schedule, I use blackout curtains and white noise, we read books to wind down, and we have a sweet little tucking-in ritual that Dada and Katie invented. I even moved her naptime earlier. What more can I do? Give her a shot of whiskey?

And don't think we can just make her bedtime earlier or that she'll sleep later in the mornings. Oh, no. We've tried both. She'll only sleep about 15 minutes later in the mornings, if we're lucky. And putting her down early just results in more talking, singing and kicking the wall.

As I sit here listening to Katie on the monitor, not sleeping, I'm starting to dread the rest of the afternoon. The later it gets, the crabbier she gets. 5:00 is known as the witching hour for many families, not just ours, but it's 10 times worse if Katie doesn't nap. I'm also realizing that we're out of leftovers and that means I'll have to try to cook something around 5:00 too. OMG.

I pray this is just a developmental phase, or a growth spurt, or something. Lots of parents tell me their child gave up napping at age 2, or age 1, or some horrifically early age. But the sleep books all say that toddlers need naps until age 3 or 4. Whatever the case, I don't think Katie is getting enough sleep, day or night, and I don't know what to do about it. Help us, Mr. Sandman!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to be a whine-fest. I'm just so tired and crabby. But things are looking up: tomorrow we go to the occupational therapist for Audrey's breastfeeding issues. We've been waiting almost a month for this appointment so I'm super excited. And, it's my birthday. So maybe we'll have a little bit of extra luck and get these feeding problems solved once and for all. Fingers crossed!

Let's hope a picture is worth 1000 words...

And here it is:

I have about 100,000 words to write, but no time in which to write them. I've been blogging like crazy in my head again, usually sometime between 3 and 5 am when I'm trying to get back to sleep.

By some miracle, both of my girls are sleeping right now. Even more astonishing is that I actually prefer them to sleep alternately (although a few minutes of overlap is nice.) The reason is that I like to be able to actually give one child my full (ish) attention, instead of trying to juggle them. I say full-ish because I also have to still do dishes, laundry, wash bottles (long story) and do all sorts of other householdy things that just won't wait. Don't worry, I am heeding the advice of "let the house go and spend time with your kids". Boy am I! This house has never been such a disaster. I think for my birthday I'm going to ask for house cleaning. I'm tired of living in squalor!

I hear Audrey stirring in the other room, so let's pray she falls back asleep while I write a quick update. Breastfeeding is still not going well, though it's going a heck of a lot better than it did with Katie. Neither of my girls latch(ed) well. With Katie it was just impossible to breastfeed her, so I pumped 8 times a day for a year. Pumping 8 times a day (that's every 2 hours, in case anyone's counting) is utterly, certifiably insane. Pumping 8 times a day while your toddler tries to tear your baby's toes off, squirt laundry detergent into her own mouth, draw on the walls with a pen and pour water all over the carpet...well, that's more than I can take. And yes, all these things have happened within the last 24 hours. If I had to list all the things Katie has done while I was either pumping or feeding Audrey, I'd be here all day.

Yes, you read that right: I *am* doing some pumping. I am in the process of trying to transition Audrey back to breastfeeding after a couple of weeks of feeding her with a syringe. This means drawing up some breastmilk into a syringe, attaching a thin flexible tube, taping the tube to your finger and letting the baby suck the end of your finger. The milk flows into her mouth through a tiny hole in the end of the tube. It's supposed to be better than a bottle because the finger is made of flesh instead of silicone, and the milk doesn't pour out as fast as it does from a bottle. Anyway - we did that for about a week and a half, and then we tried a bottle. The bottle was way easier to manage, but I was worried that Audrey, like Katie, would never want to go back to breastfeeding. Luckily, she is back on the breast using a nipple shield and an SNS. I'm starting to bore myself here, so I'll just say that the shield helps her latch on and the SNS helps her get milk faster than she would without it. For now, it's working. She's gaining weight and growing like a weed.

But it's hard! I guess I forgot how hard it is to have a newborn. I, unlike other mothers, am nearly always unable to tell why my baby is crying. You're supposed to be able to tell a hunger cry from a gassy cry from a tired cry...I'm just awful at this. I've been offering Audrey the breast whenever she cries, figuring that sucking will comfort her even if she isn't hungry, but I'm quickly finding out that if she isn't hungry she will SCREAM at the breast and fight and push away. But she also does that if she's too hungry! Gaaah! And Audrey is much less able to tolerate a wet diaper than Katie was. Katie couldn't have cared less if she was wet.

Crud - Audrey's up - guess I better do a diaper change! Til next time!

Finally, a picture!

I have so many things to write about, and exactly zero time. I'm up to my ears in diapers, nursing just about every minute of the day, and trying to squeeze in quality time with Katie wherever possible. I'm enjoying Audrey's first newborn days SO MUCH MORE than I was able to enjoy Katie's, mostly because I'm used to sleep deprivation! Anthony and I were marveling at how normal we feel - we're tired all the time but that's normal for us now. When Katie was born, we were zombies. I was so cranky! I don't know how we got through it, but I'm so glad we get to enjoy ourselves more this time around. I think we deserve it! :)

Anyway, without further ado...Miss Audrey!

Not sure what she's smiling about, but it probably has to do with milk. Or gas. :)

Welcome, precious darling!

Audrey Gayle Cerna
Born at 12:14pm Pacific Time
8 pounds 15.8 ounces (holy mackerel!)
19 inches long

For you fellow mamas out there, one more statistic: head circumference 14 inches.  O. M. Bleepin G.

Pics to follow!

And to sum it all up: "If there's a next time, I want DRUGS!!!!!!" Lol. :)

Time Out

So you probably know that I'm a big fan of the concept of "Positive Discipline," which I learned about from Katie's co-op preschool. At first I was really skeptical, but the more I use the techniques, the better they work. Yesterday I found myself trying a new one, without any advance planning. In fact, it was a technique that I thought sounded a bit weird and unnatural, so I surprised myself when I heard some of the words coming out of my mouth.

I think most parents have heard of "Time Out," even if they don't use it. Long before I had kids (you know, back when I thought I was an expert) I thought Time Out made a lot of sense. It certainly seemed better than spanking. But I hadn't had any real exposure to it - I hadn't watched a parent actually use it on their child. The first time I saw a Time Out used, I was at the park on a playdate with a mom I really like. It's clear to me that she is a really good mom with a good attitude toward parenting, and her three kids are incredibly well-behaved to boot. Her three year old did something that required correction, and she calmly sent him to a corner of the playground for a Time Out. He wailed and howled the whole time. Finally I guess he must have gotten over it, because he was allowed out and continued playing. He seemed unharmed, but I couldn't really see that anything beneficial had taken place. But I thought to myself, "It must work, because her kids are awesome."

Months later, I watched another family use Time Out on their 18 month old toddler. He was doing something typical for a toddler (can't remember what) and the parents were getting more and more upset, raising their voices and threatening "If you do that again, you're going to get a Time Out!" I'm really not sure if the toddler understood the threat, but I'm sure he understood the angry tone of voice. And of course, he continued to do whatever it was (because that's what toddlers do) and he was summarily carried from the room and left to scream alone in his bedroom. The whole scene just felt so ugly to me. Again, it's a lot better than hitting, but I just didn't feel comfortable with it.

I didn't think much more about it until I started reading the Positive Discipline books. In a nutshell, they categorize Time Out as a punishment; a nonviolent one, to be sure, but a punishment nonetheless. And their hypothesis is that punishment, in general, makes kids feel bad. I mean, that's kind of the point, right? "Sit in this corner and think about how bad you've been!" The authors feel that when kids feel bad, they act out, but when they feel better, they do better. So they propose a different twist on Time Out. They say the parents should take a minute or two in a quiet place, not the child! Or, that the parent should accompany the child into Time Out. Their idea of Time Out is just that - a little break from whatever drama is going on.

Like most of these new parenting concepts, I thought going with your kid into Time Out sounded pretty useless. But yesterday, Katie and I got into some drama. She wanted me to fill her bubble fan with bubbles. When I got the big 2-liter vat of bubble solution down from its hiding place, she immediately wanted that instead. I'm all for being flexible most of the time, but I said no. I couldn't stomach 2 liters of bubble solution all over the floor. But I filled up the bubble fan, brought it outside and turned it on for her. She was momentarily diverted while I put the bubble solution away, but soon she was back inside, and somehow managed to turn the bubble fan upside down. Bubble solution everywhere! But I kept my cool, and handled it just like we handle every other spill. I said, "Oops, the bubbles spilled! Let's clean up!" and I got a cloth for myself and one for Katie. We sang the clean up song and got most of the bubbles cleaned up. Then she decided she wanted to mop. I got the mop for her, but instead of mopping, she started waving it in the air and banging it on the sliding glass door. I asked her to stop, telling her that the mop belongs on the floor, but she ignored me. I took her arm and looked her right in the eye as I repeated myself, and she started to squirm away and scream.

And I just looked at her and said, "Do you need big hugs?" "No! No hugs! No!" But I could tell that this wasn't really about mopping or bubbles. So I gathered her into my arms anyway and said, "Let's go take a Time Out so we can both feel better." I was kind of stunned to hear myself saying it, but it felt right. We went into the den and read a book on the couch. I gave her lots of hugs and kisses. And when we both felt better, I asked if she was ready to try mopping again. She said "Yesh" and slid off my lap. We went back into the kitchen and cheerfully finished cleaning up.

I don't know if I did it right, or if it will work every time (nothing else does) but I kind of enjoyed Time Out yesterday! Somehow it felt really good to meet a tantrum with love. I know that my pregnancy is getting harder and harder for Katie, both physically since I can't be as active with her, and emotionally because she knows something big is coming. I wish the baby would hurry up so we can all wrap our minds around what it's going to be like as a family of four! It's hard enough for me to wait, I can't imagine what it's like for Katie, who doesn't have a real sense of time yet. She must think we're winding her up about a baby coming!

Cross your fingers and think labor-y thoughts for me! :)

Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli lolli lolli

Katie never ceases to amaze me. Today we were out grocery shopping. I'm not gonna tell you which store; if you've ever read this blog before you're undoubtedly nauseated by all the times I've mentioned it. Suffice it to say, they have mini shopping carts for Katie, and a find-the-hidden-stuffed-animal game. :) Today, the lady at the sample counter gave Katie a huge hint about where the stuffed panda was hiding, so Katie got to collect a prize. In the past, we've gotten clementines and apples, but this time the prize basket was full of candy. Oh dear.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Oh no, is she a Sugar Nazi in addition to being a weird crunchy hippie?" The answer is, sort of. For myself, I have a bigger sweet tooth than Buddy the Elf. But for Katie...well, I don't want her to grow up to be as sugar-addicted as me. I don't believe it's the root of all evil or anything, but sugar is so ubiquitous that I feel like it's a slippery slope if I even let her have a little. After all, she doesn't really know about all the sugary goodness that's out there, and she's a super happy kid, so isn't ignorance bliss?

When she's older, of course I'll let her have sugar. And to be honest, she actually is eating plenty of sugar now - the past two mornings we've had blueberry muffins for breakfast. Her yogurt has sugar. There's sugar in her peanut butter AND her jelly. Graham crackers? Hellooo, sugar! The orange chicken I made last night had a very sweet, sticky, sugary sauce. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Sugar is everywhere!

So I've just been trying to avoid giving her blatantly obvious sugar, like candy. She's 2 1/2 and she's only had ice cream twice (both in the past month, and both from IKEA. Now she thinks IKEA is a huge, blue-and-yellow ice cream parlor.) She only drinks water or milk, never juice or soda. And we don't do dessert after dinner. (Anthony and I do, after she's asleep.) Am I depriving her of one of life's simple pleasures? Maybe. But she's a toddler, and toddlers find pleasure in such a wonderful variety of things (playing in the mud, swinging on swings, spilling bubble solution all over the kitchen floor, squirting Dada with the hose, to name a few). Does she truly need sugar to be happy? I say she doesn't.

However, someday she will probably LOVE sugar, and I won't stand in her way. I would be the world's biggest hypocrite if I did. I had friends growing up whose well-meaning parents made them eat carob instead of chocolate (my mom even tried it with me!) To this day, Anthony loves sugary cereal because his mom never allowed it. I don't want for there to be that kind of backlash with Katie. I'm just putting it off until she actually starts to notice and care.

Anyway, today Katie was presented with a big basket full of salt water taffy and lollipops. She's only ever had one lollipop in her life, and it was this past Memorial Day. I'm not sure what she loved more, the candy or the fact that she got to imitate the "big kids," who were all eating Dum-dums. Either way, it was pretty cute. But I was surprised today when she went for a lollipop instead of the taffy. After she said "thank you" I put her down and she proceeded to tear off the wrapper and stick it in her mouth like she'd been eating 50 lollipops a day since birth. Even the guy giving out the candy was impressed with her unwrapping prowess!

My little cutie! I hope she continues to be ignorant about sugar (and enthusiastic about broccoli) for a long time yet!

Waiting...

Okay. So I know it's only 2 days past my due date. And I've had a relatively easy pregnancy so far (although not nearly as easy as my first!) But come on, baby, let's get cracking! It's not so much that I'm excited about the pain of labor (I'm not!), but I just want to get this whole thing over with. I'm so tired of worrying about what time of day it will be when labor starts! My mind keeps going over and over what time would be best, spinning in circles until I remind myself that it's going to happen in its own time, no matter what time I think would be most convenient. Ugh!

For example, sometimes I think it would be best if labor started just after dinnertime. Then Anthony could give Katie a bath (one of the few things she will "allow" him to do) and I could still be present (although probably breathing funny) for the bedtime routine. I could kiss my little sweetheart goodnight and give her extra hugs and squeezes (which I've been doing every night anyway). Then I could go downstairs and wait for the doula and my mom to come. My mom wouldn't have to do anything except wake up with Katie in the morning. Katie won't like it one bit that I'm not there, but she's usually in such a good mood in the morning that I think it would be the best time for her to have to deal with me not being here. Plus there are yummy breakfasts to be eaten, and then maybe a visit to the hospital, assuming we're ready for that.

My second choice would be going into labor around 5am. Katie's been waking up at 6:15 every morning, so I'd still be there when she gets up. Anthony wouldn't have left for work yet, so all I'd have to do is call the doula and my mom. My mom knows she has carte blanche when it comes to taking care of Katie on "The Day." She can feed her whatever food she wants, take her wherever she thinks will be fun, and it's even OK to skip her nap. Hopefully by evening we'd be ready for a hospital visit. Bedtime could be put off too, which might be a good idea so she'll be tired enough to go to sleep instead of crying for mama. And (hopefully) if I start labor that early in the morning, I'll be done and settled into the maternity ward so Anthony can go home, put Katie to bed, and sleep in a real bed instead of that ridiculous hospital chair that they claim "folds out into a bed." Dude, no it doesn't. Nobody could sleep a wink on that thing! (Especially my now-Ambien-deprived husband.)

But, like I said, it's gonna happen when it happens. Today, as I was pushing Katie on the swings at the park, I thought it was starting! I got so excited! It felt kind of like period cramps that lasted a couple of minutes and then went away. Then they came back! WOOHOO! And then they went away again. I hustled Katie into the car and drove home, but that was it. They haven't come back. BOOOOOOO! Stupid Braxton-Hicks!

Let's get this show on the road, sweetheart! I can't wait to hold you!

At the risk of jinxing it...

...I think Katie's sleep regression is just about over. For the past five nights and naps, she has gone to sleep with no crying at all! She doesn't fall asleep right away, of course, but then again, she never used to do that in her crib either. She likes to roam around, talk, sing and entertain herself before she finally falls asleep. That's perfectly OK with me! No tears!!! WOOHOOOO!

One thing she is still doing, though, is taking off her undies. I have no idea what this is about. I thought it was a protest against our leaving her alone in her room, but now she's totally comfortable with that and the undies are still coming off! I just looked at her on the video monitor - she's lying down, kind of rolling around, and her little tushie is in the air, completely bare. I would post a picture - it's hilarious - but she would seriously never forgive me! She won't use a blanket, or the mattress, for that matter, so we started putting her in leg warmers overnight. At least she's not totally naked from the waist down! Thank goodness it's summertime.

Anyway, she's sleeping through the night without crying. I cannot even express how wonderful this is! She does wake up occasionally and make little noises (once she started giggling) but no crying! I've spent the past week's worth of nights in my own bed without interruption! (Well, aside from having to get up to pee. Thanks, pregnancy!)

There were many, many nights during this sleep regression when I thought it would never end. I thought we would never get through the crying, the screaming, and the pooping on the floor. But we did, somehow! All it took was Katie finally seeing that we were serious about bedtime. It was not easy. I think I may have made the process even longer by "caving" a couple of times. It's so hard not to give in when your precious darling is screaming that she has to go potty! But I know now, with the benefit of hindsight, that she was full of it (or, more accurately, not full of it at all!) And when I stopped letting her use the potty after "Last Potty", she finally stopped testing me.

And she's going to bed without a struggle! The last couple of nights, she's even gone back to giving us good night kisses! Ohhhhh, I missed those so much! I am so thankful that we've solved this problem before the baby is born. I know we could be in for more sleep regression after the baby comes, but at least Round 1 is over.

Speaking of baby, we are getting really close! My due date is Saturday. WOW! I have two bags packed (labor & postpartum), my mom is (supposedly) leaving her phone on all night long, and I'm feeling as ready as I'll ever be. The baby's room isn't done, but there's a bassinet and a changing table. That'll probably be good enough for the first 4-6 months or so. We did paint it and put a really pretty tree decal on the wall. Really all that's missing is blackout curtains, and if all goes well, I might be able to get those tomorrow.

Whee! Can't wait to hold my new little one!

4am musings

Sometimes I'm awake at 4am for no reason whatsoever. Despite our recent bedtime woes, Katie slept all night long last night. I, on the other hand, woke up with a head full of thoughts and the beginnings of a migraine. So here are some of those thoughts, in list form. Enjoy!

Stuff I'm really looking forward to after the baby is born:
The baby herself (well, duh!)
Being able to lie down on my back or stomach!
Smoked salmon
Not having to obsessively wash my hands after touching deli meat
Being able to eat deli meat without microwaving it first (ew!)
Not bonking Katie with my huge belly and knocking her flat
No more swollen fingers, feet and ankles! (I hope!)
Weight loss without really trying (let's hope this happens again!)
The absence of worrying about Katie during labor & delivery
Being able to reach the upper kitchen cabinets without squishing my belly
Wearing the baby in a wrap carrier
No more heartburn!
The ability to take a few approved OTC medications for colds & such
Having Anthony home for six weeks! (even though they may not be consecutive weeks)
Cloth diapering and EC
Being able to get up off the floor without a struggle
Being able to hold Katie in my lap while I read to her, instead of awkwardly sideways


Stuff I'm really NOT looking forward to:
Insane sleep deprivation
The return of real migraine headaches
Less time to spend with Katie
No more "Expectant Mother Parking"
Trying to juggle TWO kids' sleeping/feeding schedules
No more baby kicks in my belly  (I really like these)

A new lesson

I learned something today from a fellow parent, and I'm having some mixed emotions about it. So instead of moaning about our recent sleep problems, which are still going on, or reading the parenting book I just downloaded, I'm going to write about it.

We were at our weekly park playdate. The weather was really nice - sunny, but with a very cool breeze that I'm so thankful for, this late in pregnancy! I put a hat on Katie and it was still just barely cool enough for a long sleeved cotton shirt, so I didn't have to slather her with sunscreen. Bonus! There were about seven other kids at the playdate, which was a pretty nice turnout.

Throughout the playdate, Katie kept coming up to me with demands. Such as, "Up, mama! Walk!" or "Up, mama! Swings!" Lately I've been putting my foot down about the tone and the words she uses for these demands. Usually I say, "Oh, you want milk. Is there a nicer way you can ask?" or something to that effect. Sometimes she absently adds "Pweese," which doesn't exactly make me feel better about her dictatorial tone. So I've been trying to help her brainstorm different ways to ask for what she wants. For example, "I'm feeling thirsty, Mama! May I have some milk, please?" When she asks in this way, I want to jump for joy. And she'll do it sometimes without prompting, if she's in the right mood. She doesn't use all of those words in the correct order, but that makes it even cuter.

Anyway, Katie kept wanting to swing today, and I complied several times. At one point, Katie grabbed her water and her snack and demanded that I push her on the swings. So many things going on at once! I told her that I'd be happy to push her if she would ask in a different way. I got a reluctant "Pweese" but I could tell this wasn't the time to press for more. Then I told her to put her water and snack down so we could swing. She refused. "No water down! No snack down!" I calmly said, "Ok, well, if you want to eat and drink, that's ok, but we don't swing at the same time. When you're done with water and snack, then we can swing." She was starting to work herself up into a nice tantrum, but I wasn't going to give in. (This is part of my self-imposed assertiveness training, which I'm hoping will spill over and positively influence our bedtime woes.)

Luckily, she got distracted by another kid at this point, so I breathed a sigh of relief. But soon she was back, and she deliberately picked up her water before saying, "Up, mama! Swing!" I looked at her and repeated myself, "Water needs to stay here while we swing." "No water here! No!" I glanced at one of the other moms and murmured, "She sure is testing me a lot lately!" The other mom totally backed me up, saying, "Hey, Katie, it's true we don't drink water while we're on the swings." Another mom chimed in, "Yup, that's right!" Then the first mom said, "Do you want to know why?" She had Katie's full attention, and mine too - because at this point I couldn't even remember why I didn't want Katie to bring her water on the swings. I was too locked into winning my battle for dominance! The other mom said, "It's because if we're drinking water while we swing, we could bonk our water bottle on the swing and that might hurt. We wouldn't want you to get a boo-boo!" And to my complete and utter shock, Katie mulled this over for a few seconds, then put her water bottle down on the table!!!!! I took her hand and as we walked to the swings, I grinned at the other mom and said, "Thanks! That was a really good explanation!"

My mixed emotions are these: Gratitude and awe at the other mom's clear thinking, and guilt and shame that I didn't think of saying that myself. How many other times have there been where a simple little explanation would have avoided a tantrum? Oh, and throw in a pinch of frustration and jealousy because sometimes it seems Katie will listen to other adults (teachers and whatnot) but not me!

So anyway, I clearly have a lot more to learn about communicating with Katie. The hardest part is coming up with explanations that are clear and above all, brief! It reminds me of that time I was supervising the play-doh table at Katie's school. One of the moms had brought her four-year-old along for the day, and she was playing at my station. The mom told her, "Ok honey, after snack time, Mommy's going to go have discussion time." The four-year-old asked, "What's discussion time?" And the mom launched into this long-winded explanation of how sometimes the mommies and the teacher sit together in the art room and talk about different topics, and how it's grown-up time, and how it wouldn't be interesting for kids. The four-year-old was remarkably patient through this sermon, but I could tell not much of it sank in. About half an hour later, Teacher Donna called out, "Discussion Time!" and a different older sibling asked, "What's discussion?" Teacher Donna said, "It means we go into a room and talk. Thank you for asking!" (Now that's how it's done!)

If I had today to do over, I think I would tell Katie that she couldn't bring her water on the swings because she needs both hands to hold on. Then I could make a silly game of counting how many hands she would need in order to hold her water too, or something like that. I am able to do that kind of thing, sometimes - but not all the time, and certainly not today. It's a good reminder not to get too entrenched in "because I said so." Boy, do I struggle with that! I remember as a child, my mom constantly told me stuff like, "Because I'm the parent" and "Because 'Y' is a crooked letter and can't be straight." (wtf?) I guess it's true that our kids bring out things in us that we need to deal with from our past!

OK, back to the parenting book! 'Til next time!

Midnight shopper

Hooray! In the midst of all the turmoil happening around here, I finally have something funny to post! Yesterday Anthony and I were talking about sleep training Katie, and wondering if we should put it off until Friday night. I'd spent the past two nights sleeping (or trying to sleep) on a mattress on Katie's bedroom floor. Anthony suggested that he be the one to try sleeping on Katie's floor. I looked at him and laughed, and said, "Honey, you can't even sleep in a perfectly darkened room, with a memory foam topper on the bed, a white noise machine, a sleep mask, and under the influence of Ambien. What makes you think you'll get a wink of sleep on Katie's floor?"

He grinned sheepishly and said, "Ok, you're right. And there's something else I apparently need in order to fall asleep."

I looked at him quizzically.

"Remember those two boxes that were delivered to the house today? I opened them, and they were both purchases I apparently made off of eBay around 11pm on Monday, but I have no recollection of doing so!"

OMG! He bought a new pair of shoes (which are a bit more...um...jazzy than he usually wears) and three (THREE!) sets of Matchbox car tracks, the kind with a loop-the-loop. Mind you, we don't actually own any Matchbox cars. I guess that's a purchase for another night!

What's really scary is, sometimes he answers work emails from bed, after taking Ambien. I wonder what kinds of things he's written! LOL!!

I remember that there were some weird side effects for Ambien, like sleep-eating (yes, this is apparently an actual medical term.) But nobody warned us about sleep-shopping! Maybe we should sue? LMAO!!!!

We're still alive!

Sorry we've been so quiet around here, folks! So far the month of May has been a real doozy. I mentioned that Katie started climbing out of her crib at night. Well, the problem got worse and worse until we decided to take the front crib rail off. This, naturally, led to an entirely new problem: how to keep Katie from running down the hall, screaming, at all hours of the night!

Katie didn't want to sleep in her crib, with or without the rail, and this completely destroyed our previously bulletproof bedtime routine. We went from a predictable 20-30 minute routine with books, lullabies and kisses, to 3-hour-long tantrums culminating in Katie passing out half-naked on the floor. Naps went completely out the window, too - she refused to even lie down for a second.

I'd like to say that I figured out how to deal with these problems on my own, but I didn't. I enlisted the help of a "parenting coach." Ugh, I'm cringing - am I really that incompetent at parenting that I need a tutor? Evidently, yes! But whatever, this isn't about pride, it's about making it through the day with my sanity somewhat intact. The parenting coach has helped us immensely.

She made some simple but effective suggestions that have ended the bedtime power struggles. Katie was begging for us to turn the light back on at bedtime. We weren't sure if she was testing us or genuinely terrified, so for a couple of nights we caved in to her demands. The coach told us that if we stayed in the room with her, it was perfectly reasonable to turn the lights out. So, in order to prevent Katie from turning the lights back on herself, I unscrewed all the light bulbs in her overhead light and started using a small table lamp instead. When lights-out time comes, I unplug the lamp and put in one of those outlet covers. Power struggle over!

Same with the door. I've already explained about our woes with the lever-style door handles. We ended up buying an inexpensive round doorknob at Home Depot and installing it with a childproof cover on the inside of Katie's room. That way, we can get in and out as necessary but Katie can't get out in the middle of the night and roam the halls. Of course, Katie managed to rip it off twice the first night, but I reinforced it with duct tape and we've been struggle-free ever since. (Except when I neglect to pull the door completely closed - if the closing mechanism doesn't engage, Katie can just pull the door open without turning the handle.)

We also Katie-proofed the rest of the room by taking everything off the top of her cabinets so she wouldn't be as tempted to climb them. We removed the changing table topper from her dresser, because she was holding onto it and climbing up. We removed the knobs on her dresser drawers so they wouldn't be used as a tiny rock climbing wall. Today I mounted her white-noise machine high up on the wall with masking tape. I removed the knobs on her cabinets so she can't open them and play with toys when she's supposed to be sleeping. I had to take down her adorable growth chart, and remove a whole bunch of her books. Her closet door is still a problem - she can totally defeat the childproof lock on it - so I'm looking into another solution.

Doing all of these things has really helped us to be consistent with enforcing bedtime. I think some of the worst parenting moments are the ones where you feel ambivalent about the rules (Should I let her go to the potty one last time? What if she really does have to go??) The parenting coach told me that we could establish a "Last Potty" time as part of our bedtime routine, and that it might take an accident or two for Katie to understand what "Last Potty" meant. She reassured me that having an accident wouldn't traumatize Katie, that it would be a learning experience instead. But oh, the thought of not letting her potty when she really needed to go...that was too much for me! Thankfully we've had a little potty in Katie's room since she was tiny, so I know that if Katie really does have to go, she can.

And what can I say? It's been a bumpy road, full of tantrums and empty of sleep. But I think we're making progress. Katie is now sleeping in her room for nights and naps, although she's still waking up several times a night. But hey, I have to get used to that anyway, right?

I hope we can get back to shareably-funny blog posts soon! You know, instead of just whiny. ;)

I found one!

Hooray! I found a fairy godperson today! I was convinced that there weren't any in California - everyone seems so distant and into their own thing here.

Today at Trader Joe's (where else, right?) I got to the cashier and realized that my wallet wasn't in my purse. Not cool at all - especially when Katie's running amok with her tiny shopping cart. I asked the cashier if he could put my groceries to the side while I went to the car to look for the wallet. Then I walked (dragged) Katie across the parking lot and let her climb around in the car while I frantically looked for it. I found many things, some of them sticky, some of them smelly, but no wallet. So I dragged Katie back across the parking lot (why is it that her legs turn to jelly the instant she realizes I'm in a hurry?) and back to the cashier, thinking that maybe the wallet had fallen out in the cart during my disagreement with Katie on whether she should be sitting in it. No dice. So I had to abandon my groceries, but the manager was nice enough to tell me she'd hold them in the back until later.

On our way back to the car, our fairy godperson appeared. It was the nice lady who had been in line behind us. She saw me struggling with a squirmy, escape-happy toddler and a round pregnant belly, and she offered to buy my groceries for me! Wasn't that the sweetest thing ever? I thanked her profusely but told her it wasn't necessary. It was only a few items, and we'd just go get my wallet and come back later. But still - faith in humanity restored! It also made me realize just how desperate and bedraggled I must look, but that's another story.

When we got home, I cleaned out my car while Katie looked around for trouble in the garage. Cleaning one's car while 7 months pregnant is easier said than done. I tried to crawl around and look under the seats, but I'm just too big! But it felt great to get all those layers of junk out of there. My goodness - the back seat looked like an episode of Hoarders. And, truth be told, it didn't take THAT long to clean it all out, so why do I let it get so awful before I finally do something about it?

Anyway, still no wallet, which means it's probably at the car dealership, where we were last night. We leased a new Nissan Leaf, for some very specific, strategic reasons. The primary reason is that the Leaf is one of only a handful of cars that qualifies for a carpool lane sticker in California. That means that Anthony can drive to work in the carpool lane, even though he's by himself. He commutes 25 miles each way, and the traffic is so bad that it sometimes takes him over an hour each way. So we'll see what a difference the sticker makes. I hope he gains at least 30 minutes roundtrip. Who couldn't use 30 extra minutes in their day? Anthony wants to spend every single second with Katie. :)

The second reason we got the Leaf is that it was insanely cheap! There's a $7500 federal tax credit that the dealership can collect for every Leaf they sell, so they are offering crazy-low monthly payments and very little down. We'll save money on gas, too, because there are free charging stations at Anthony's work. He'll only need to do half of his charging at home. The dealership says (so I'm taking it with a grain of salt) that it costs about $1.50 for a full charge. Even if he had to charge it fully at home every day, that's still better than the $8/day he was spending on gas. Depending on how good the battery's range is (dealership says 110 miles, real-life users say 75) he might be able to skip charging at home altogether! Woohoo!

And the third reason, of course, is that I'm sorta crunchy and I like the idea of supporting greener technologies. Of course, I realize that the batteries in these things are far from eco-friendly, and that electricity is not necessarily a green energy source. I think people forget about that. According to California's online Energy Almanac, only 14.6% of the electricity we produce in-state comes from renewable sources. But, I still think the electric car is a step in the right direction, and I hope that our purchase makes an impact (however small) on improving infrastructure and encouraging innovation.

So, hooray! New car! Now let's hope the dealership has seen my wallet...

L'il Houdini

What an interesting week it's been! Katie has been demonstrating her ability to stay one step ahead of us. I believe I already mentioned the time she escaped out of the garden gate, several months ago. Well, Wednesday she discovered that she can unbolt the front door and disappear that way too. I'm so lucky that I was just in the next room when I heard the front door swing open. Thank goodness it makes a unique swishing noise that I recognized immediately. I dropped everything and sprinted (waddled) after her. She is FAST! She made it almost all the way to the next cul-de-sac before I caught her. I'm really glad she likes to run on the sidewalk instead of into the street, but still!

So I went to Target in search of a solution. We have lever door handles on every door of our house, which, in addition to being decorative, are extremely toddler-friendly. They're not parent-friendly, though - not if the parent prefers to keep her toddler from running out the front door. They do sell childproof locks for lever handles, but they are pretty complicated to install. So I got an idea. I bought a three-pack of those round doorknob covers, but instead of snapping them onto the door handle, I put them around the deadbolt! It's totally working! I also put one on the hot-water valve under the bathroom sink (which she loves to play with) and the hose outside. Woohoo!

The next day, Anthony and I were sitting in the living room gloating over the success of these new devices. We were comparing notes on how long it takes each of us to catch Katie when she gets away. All of a sudden I realized I hadn't heard her make noise in a few minutes. I went to make sure the back gate was latched. It was. But then, I realized...THE GARAGE DOOR WAS OPEN! She'd snuck out that way and run around to the front, undoubtedly right past the living room windows while we sat there! I started running and calling her name, and finally found her four houses down, playing with a neighbor's lawn ornaments. WOW.

Since then, we've been extra-vigilant about the garage door. We haven't had any front-door or garage door escapes for the past three days. But...

Just to keep us on our toes, Katie has also decided to escape from her crib. The first night she did it was Friday, when Grammy was watching her. Grammy has been having zero success with putting Katie to bed, so we told her she might have to put Katie in the crib and let her cry. (Which we HATE doing!) Grammy did that, and soon after heard a big THUMP! followed by Katie opening her bedroom door. Not good. We figured it was because Grammy had also been unable to put on Katie's sleep sack, which generally prevents her from getting her leg up high enough to climb out of the crib. However, last night Katie managed to climb out, sleep sack and all. At 4am. And wouldn't go back to sleep until 4:45. Sigh.

So now we're going to have to convert Katie's crib to a mini toddler bed with a guard rail. I don't like the idea of doing this, because it means Katie may be getting up at all hours of the night and coming to find us. But I think it's the only safe thing to do. Apparently "crib tents" are no longer sold because of safety issues. Darn it, that would have been a really good solution to our problem.

Any tips on keeping kids in their own beds? I'm all ears!

How dry I am...(now)

I'm depressed. Just when I think I have all the answers, Katie throws me a curve ball. I've spent the entire day today studiously avoiding asking Katie to go potty. I've been a paragon of restraint! I didn't ask when she woke up. I didn't ask before or after breakfast. I do admit I lured her into the bathroom when I needed to go, then said "Katie's turn!" when I was done. (Which, by the way, worked.)

I didn't ask her at the park. I brought her potty along but I was pretty sure she wouldn't need it. I just put it down in the shade and didn't say a word. I didn't ask her when it was time to leave, or before getting in the car. I didn't ask her before she sat down to have lunch.

I didn't ask her before her nap. And that's the one that came back to bite me in the you-know-what.

I thought about it, and I kind of alluded to it before we put on her sleep sack: "Is there anything else we should do before we put on your sack?" She ignored me, so I shrugged and proceeded with the nap routine. I knew perfectly well that she hadn't peed in almost three hours, and that she wasn't going to make it an additional two hours for nap. I'd just changed her sheets from the accident she had overnight, and I knew I'd be taking them right off again after nap. I was ok with all of that.

But I had no way of knowing how it was all going to go down. I figured she'd take a nice nap and wake up wet. Then I'd just start another load of laundry, no biggie. Her mattress is waterproof. But no. Instead she woke up screaming and crying, after 45 minutes of napping. I knew why instantly - she had to go pee! I went into her room and tried to console her. "Oh, I see, you need to go potty!" "NO! NO! NO! NO POTTY! NO!" I saw a small wet spot on her sleep sack, so that meant she'd started to pee and was now holding it. "Let's take off your sack." "NO! NO! SACK ON!! ON!!!!" I walked her up and down the hall once. "KATIE'S ROOM! KATIE'S ROOM!" We went back to her room. This time I didn't ask, I just unzipped her sack and took it off. She screamed and thrashed more than ever. I tried to put her on the little potty in her room. "NO!!! NO!! WALK, MAMA, WALK!!" So I took her back outside into the hall. And then she started to pee, all over me. I quickly ran into the bathroom and sat her on the potty, where she continued to pee. I tried to mop her up. She continued to scream. I brought her back to her room and offered her a choice of undies. She kept on screaming, but chose one. I put them on her (more screaming). I put the sleep sack back on (with the small wet spot, don't judge! I couldn't find the other one). I tried to rock her and soothe her, but she was getting more upset by the second. She even rejected Lambie! The only thing that distracted her was reading her favorite book. Finally she calmed down. I put her in her crib, and thank goodness, she was able to go back to sleep.

And then I went and changed clothes. My only clean shirt and the only jeans that fit me, are now soaked. Lovely. The carpet in the hallway outside Katie's room is also sprinkled with a trail of pee that leads to the potty. But I can't steam clean it because it'll wake Katie up. Good lord.

I seriously do not think I could have done anything differently. I obviously should have insisted that she potty before nap, but insisting only makes her resist more! I'm so frustrated! I thought that dropping my end of the power struggle was going to solve our potty problems. It really galls me that I was so wrong!

Ughhh...oh well, at least I'm in dry clothes now. A load of laundry and some steam cleaning, and we'll move on. Sigh.

Drop the rope!

My dad once told me that if you don't want to play tug-of-war anymore, all you have to do is drop the rope. It's easier said than done, especially when you really have a vested interest in winning said game of tug-of-war.

But today, I've done it. And it's actually working (so far, anyway).

When Katie woke up this morning, I vowed not to say anything about the potty. And I did pretty well for the first hour. The second hour I caved - I asked her if she wanted to go potty. "NO!" I was really starting to get tired of following her around everywhere in hopes of either catching an accident before it happened, or at least seeing where the accident landed so I could clean it up. The third hour, I was starting to get desperate. Katie said she wanted to go out in her stroller, and I told her that she would have to potty first. We went back and forth with that for quite some time. I really tried to be neutral and matter-of-fact about it. I told her it was up to her, and as soon as she went on the potty we could go.

I watched her do several different variations on the pee-pee dance: crossing her legs, holding her hand to her crotch, shifting from side to side. It was a Herculean effort not to just grab her and force her on the potty. But we all know how that would have turned out. In the end, she FINALLY, FINALLY went on her own. And I immediately dressed her and whisked her off to run errands. There was no time for a stroller ride, so Grammy's coming over later to take her for a stroll.

During our errand-running, she intermittently drank water out of her sippy cup. When we got home, she drank lots of milk with her lunch. I didn't say a single word about the potty even though it had been over 2 hours since her last pee. And guess what? While we were playing, she suddenly said "Potty!" and turned and walked to the bathroom. I silently helped her with her clothing and that was that.

So, lesson FINALLY learned. Katie is not me. She is not Anthony. She is not anyone else I've ever known. She is the only human being on the face of the earth who can wait 3 hours to pee after waking up. But hey, I think this is proof that she does actually know when she needs to go. So quit nagging, Mama!!!!

Makes you wonder: with potty training, who's training whom? :)

I'm doing it all wrong!

Well, folks, potty training got off to a pretty good start, but it hasn't been exactly smooth sailing since then. That first day, Thursday, we had the two misses I mentioned in my last post. Friday we had more misses, and these were more serious. I know this is an unrealistic goal to have as a parent, but I fervently, passionately do not want my house to smell like pee. I am a pretty bad housekeeper as it is - I do not need peed-on carpets undermining my halfhearted efforts to keep the house smelling clean.

With equal fervor, I don't want to freak out when Katie pees on the carpet. I don't think that would be good for her self-esteem or the potty learning process. But it is a lot easier for me to be nonchalant and casual about misses that happen on the bathroom floor, which is tile. So I tried my very best to keep my tone of voice light as I watched Katie pee on her bedroom carpet, the carpet outside the bathroom, and the rug in the den. But I probably failed miserably. I vaguely remember saying "Wait wait wait, on the potty! On the potty!" and trying to maneuver her over to the potty without making the mess worse. Oh dear. But she didn't seem to notice anything was amiss. She enjoyed helping me with the steam cleaner afterwards, so much that I was worried this was becoming a fun new game.

By Friday evening, when the third carpet-miss of the day happened, I turned to Anthony and said, "I'm done. Let's go back to diapers. I just can't do this right now - I'm too exhausted to keep reminding her to potty, only to have her pee on the rug within 45 seconds after being reminded." But that night as I was trying to fall asleep, I vowed to keep going. After all, I'd have Anthony's help for the next two days.

And of course, the next two days went really great! We only had one miss on Saturday morning, on the bathroom floor. I was in the shower when it happened, and the first thing I heard when I turned off the water was the sound of the steam cleaner. But, it turns out that there was nothing on the carpet - Katie just thought it would be fun to get the steam cleaner out. (See, she thinks it's a game!)

Sorry, it's taking me a long time to get to my point. Yesterday and so far today, we haven't had any misses, but some serious power struggles are brewing. I'm having more and more trouble convincing Katie to go potty, even when I'm 95% sure she has to go. And I'm getting more worked up about it than I'd like to be, because of the aforementioned carpets. For the past five days, Katie's overnight diaper has been dry in the morning. (Which is awesome and completely unexpected - I thought we'd still diaper her at night for at least a few more months!) But doesn't that mean she probably has to pee when she wakes up? I mean, doesn't everyone? When she finally agrees to go on the potty, she pees a lot! So, aside from the fact that she is two, I have no idea why she keeps saying "NO! NO! NO!" when I ask her if she'd like to potty. I've tried waiting a few minutes before asking. I've tried giving her a choice of potties. All I get is "NO! NO! NO!" until she finally decides it's time.

If this were anything but potty training, I would just let it go and let her do it when she wants to. I know that's ultimately what I'm going to have to do. And I will just have to keep steam cleaning the carpets until she gets it. WAAAAAH! But this does put a bit of a strain on going places. It's one thing if she wants to take her time going potty upon waking up. But I'll be darned if I'm going to let a fledgling undies-wearer leave the house without pottying first. So it's been taking us FOREVER to leave the house. Luckily, we only have one or two things each week that we need to be on time for. If we had to get out of the house at a certain time every day, I think I'd be going insane.

Thanks for letting me rant! I am going to try an experiment when Katie wakes up from her nap today. I'm not going to mention the potty even once, and we will see what happens! It reminds me of something I once heard at a parenting class: "Sleep - you can't make 'em do it!" Same goes for pretty much EVERYTHING with a toddler. Pottying? Can't make 'em do it. Eating? Can't make 'em do it. Even sitting in the car seat. I thought I could make Katie do it, but you all remember how that turned out.

Cross your fingers for dry carpets this afternoon!